After sorting himself out for a few moments, he worked out what he wanted to say, tried to frame it so he didn't trigger any bad responses. He was learning just how...human his boyfriend was, how John's words could wound. God, and to think he'd never thought Bobby had cared that much. Now he was cautious, careful, and ready with a hug to wrap the guy up in if he needed it.

Still, opening his mouth to start, the words caught in his throat. He swallowed away discomfort, and unconsciously straightened up a little, dropping Bobby's hand to reach back and almost brace himself against the counter. "...I don't know who I am without all the mutant stuff," John confessed, and licked his lips nervously. "After everything-" and no, he didn't need to spell out the everything, and it was definitely better he didn't "-I still had my anger, right? But it was...good, okay? I organised mutant pride parades, and talked to runaways at the Y, and got some dumbass normal college students to understand what it was like to be us and to open their eyes. Mutant Studies - I know it probably sounded egotistical as all fuck, but it was...I got to make a difference. Not by saving the world and not by ending it, not having to choose between the Professor and Erik. It was my own way of doing things," he breathed, and sounded like he ached for that world again, missing it and finding beauty in it at the same time. Everything here felt off - everything except Bobby. "I haven't got that anymore, and I can't tell my mom, and my study is crap because I'm not changing the fucking world, you know? Now I'm just some over-intellectual asshole who can't make it work and who happens to have the best boyfriend in creation but I don't know what I'm good for, nowadays."

These days, all he felt was frustration at who he wasn't. Between mindless bliss with his boyfriend, of course.